I got this idea from another video , and it inspired me. I don’t write blogs and make videos for attention. I do it to let it out. I hate bottling up things inside of me. And i also think its a great way to let everyone know how serious and heart braking this disease is. For the people that all think this a joke. go to hell. you have no idea how strong and painful this is for me and my family. there is no cure. I didn’t ask for this to happen to me and my family. No one wants this . NO ONE. To just sit there and watch your mom die on the inside is nothing to laugh at or make fun of. My brother and i are alone. No one understands us. we wish we both knew other people our age that we can talk to about this, but there’s no one. All we can do is pray for a cure . www.alz.org.
I think i messed up
I just HAD to eat the sherbert ice cream, & s a sip of pop. it wasnt that much calories. but still. :/ i need to learn to say no.
NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. UGH, how am i ever gonna loose 50 pounds by summer?
I just need a little motivation
someone to tell me, “i believe in you” or “you can do it, i know it” someone to just tell me to put the cookies away, and crab a carrot.
this is how i feel in the morning when everything i try on looks bad on me. even with a sweater on.
Me;
i cant stand me. i cant stand what i’ve become. an overweight freak. i always think of how different my life would be if i were skinny. i always do. at 11:11 i wish to be like *her* or to be happy with him. and i cant even get encouragement because my mom is too nagging and i am too embarrased to tell my friends. i need to loose 50 pounds to be what i think would be “OK.” i absolutely hate when my friends say “im getting fat” its like, no your fucking not. your fucking gorgeous and boys are all over you all the time. omg, you gained a pound in a year. well i’ve gained so much weight. just stop it, your just fishing for compliments. i cant even do that. even people on the internet think im disgusting. they dont know me but i dont care. because even if they did know me, they’d judge me. even when i go to church i feel so insecure about what i look like. and when i’m in school all i think about is if i look ok, or if my facial expressions make me look ugly or if when i yawn i look fat. and when i go home, i cant talk to my friends, or my mom, or my dad. so i eat. and eat. and i cry, and i squeeze my teddy bear wishing that i was perfect. but i cant be, i blame myself. how could i let myself get like this. it disgusts me that in the morning i try on everything, but i still dont look good. and when i see my friends wearing expensive, size small clothes, i feel gross. and i hate talking to boys because, there is no boy that will accept me as me. im me. nobody will ever want me for me. sometimes i write down im fat, and im ugly, and i hate myself and rip it up., but all it does is makes me cry. my dad always tells me i own to many sweaters. and the reason is, i hide my fat with them,. i dont think i go a day without covering myself with a sweater. and whenever i go shopping with my mom and i like something she always says “we have to find your size” and that hurts me. i can never own a pair of jeans because when i wash them, they shrink. or i gain weight. thats why i always wear sweats. and my mom nags me about it. “why dont you wear makeup, why do you wear sweats and sweaters and those shoes are ugly” cant she accept me? i dont wear makeup because theres no point. im already ugly. why do i wear sweats/sweaters? because they’re not tight. these are my shoes. idgaf what you say. my dad doesnt make it any better by taking mee out to eat all the time. although i dont stop him. its just so tempting. i cant help it. i asked my 4 year old brother today if i looked ugly. he said no. i teared up but then he said, well maybe a little bit ugly. i know he doesnt understand that. but i cried because even my family can call me ugly. i just wish there was someone out there that felt the way i do. that i can talk to all the time. because i really need the motivation to loose weight. and look pretty. and be able to go swimming at a friends house. or wear shorts witthout my legs rubbing together. or be able to smile without my ugliness being there. or be able to sit down and still have a flat stomach. or just be able to talk to a boy. i just wish it was that easy..
if only it was that easy to become skinny.
(Source: findthemagicineverything)
